Since a boy named "Matt" moved into 673 Degraw Street about a month ago, the whole neighborhood has unsurprisingly WENT TO SHIT. Observers can safely assume it is because the neighborhood has unfortunately reached 'MATTPACITY"
The following has happened since "Matt" moved in:
+ A RAT INFESTATION HAS TAKEN HOLD
+ A FIREWORK EXPLODED. the thunderous crackle of this firework woke up many innocent residents on the block. Authorities believe "Matt" could have been behind it.
+ A BODEGA HAS OPENED ON THE CORNER. an opportunistic businessman must have noticed that MATTPACITY was reached. He knew that there would be new, unparalleled high demand for turkey clubs in the area, so he opened yet another bodega.
+ RAY VELCORO HAS BEEN SHOT. "Matt" has an established bird fetish, but doesn't have an alibi for the night of June 28th, 2015.
+ THE GOWANUS CANAL IS SMELLING WORSE THAN EVER. the usual rank smell has combined with all the hot air of 673 Degraw and created something experts are calling a SUPER STENCH. A new Superfund has been established to try to quell the odor.
Mattpacity has changed this neighborhood - unfortunately - not for the better.
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